Humor? Romance? Feh!
by FHT3rdandCo
Summary: Humor? Romance? (gags) how about some death? Possibly a curse? Read, find out, and flame at will! WAIT! There is a moral to this story? Could of fooled me. InuKag, Rated for language. Hope ya enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

**Chapter Number One: Life Sucks.**

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_**"I'm trapped! Where am I? Why am I? Wait, back to the point! Kami-Sama! Please, someone...... please...... SAVE ME DAMN IT!"**_

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With that, the dreaming hanyou bolted wide awake, which hurt a lot considering he's sleeping in a tree "Wha.... What was that? Who was the girl? Why did she need help? Why do I want to help her?!" The teen-aged hanyou was baffled, his silver hair flowing in the wind (and his ears twitching a lot!) '_What an odd dream..._'

**"HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **okay maybe it wasn't ALL dream "Fuckin' eh! Get the hell away from me!!! You bakas!!!!"

And boy, does she have a mouth on her!

The hanyou listened to every second, not wanting to get involved but still curios.

There were a few more noises that would match that of bones breaking, blood splattering on the trees and a _VERY _girly scream of terror.

Assuming the girl to be dead, and with a small ping of guilt that he hadn't helped her, just when he was about to settle back down to sleep...

"HA! Teach you to mess with me you bastards!" There was the girl's voice again!

"What the..." finally deciding this is worth investigation, the hanyou jumped from his perch in the tree, towards the noise...

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"Whew, those guys were all muscle and no brain!" Said a girl to herself with a slight snicker/giggle. She had long black hair with a kinda blue shine to it, and odd but beautiful brown eyes.**

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When the hanyou made it to where the noise had been, it wasn't pretty; there was NO girl, but about six or seven bloody unconscious grown men with a LOT of broken bones, did I mention these guys had A LOT of muscle? Guess not.

Well back to the point, '_Could that girl have done this? NO WAY! Girls are weaklings! Especially human girls!_'

What a naïve fool..."Well, I better get going!" she said, with one last glance at the unconscious idiots behind her, before setting out towards the nearest town.

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"No food, no water, no place to sleep, did I mention NO food??! Food, food, food, food... aww damn it! I ain't gonna get food standing here complaining!" the girl with the odd brown eyes said to herself. "Kami-Sama I need to stop talking to myself!!!"

With that, the girl headed into the town (that just happened to be a few yards in front of her), to look for a job.

_**many crappy, shitty, and stupid minutes later**_

**"OH BLOODY HELL! I am NOT, I repeat, NOT going to wear THIS!!!!" **the girl said, gesturing towards the pink and ELECTRIC PINK, skimpy mini-skirted, hardly hiding any breast shirted dress she was wearing, while pulling on her hair in frustration. Which by the way, was now instead of being let loose and wild (and quite dirty and un-brushed I might add) was now brushed and in double braids.

**"**You ARE going to wear it if you want to keep this job!" the 'boss' said.

'I knew I shouldn't have got a job as a waitress!' she thought in spite.

"So wench, what is your name anyway? I can't just call ya wench, now can I?" Mr. Boss guy said (A/N I am not a very creative chibi, so sue me!)

"Oh! Sorry, my name is-" the creepy eyed girl was interrupted by a high pitch scream. "What the hell?"

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S A DEMON!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!" **a rather squeamish villager screamed at the top of his lungs... which was LOUD... and high pitched...

"A demon? SORRY Mr. BOSS GUY, I GOTTA GO, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!!!" yelled Ms. Creepy eyes as fast as a cheerleader on caffeine, as she ran at top speed out of the diner (and grabbed a few dumplings on her way out).

"What just happened......?" Mr. Boss Guy said to no one in particular...

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"Great, just BLOODY GREAT! A fucking, stupid, idiot, baka, asshole, butt licking, shit head of a bastard demon has to show up in the baka village I show up in! JUST MY LUCK!!!" the beautiful eyed girl yelled as she ran to where the 'demon' was.

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"Awww, crap! I knew I should've worn a hat!" a particular hanyou said as the villagers either threw rocks at him, or ran and screamed their bloody heads off, both of which hurt ALOT!

"Kuso! I could bat away the stones if they weren't screaming so fucking loud!!!!!"

**"DEMON**!" said a familiar voice (no, not the squeamish one).

'_That voice..._'

"HELLO!? Anyone there?! Yo, DEMON!"

"Huh...?"

"Gee, that was intelligent, baka."

'_That girl... it's that girl! The one who wanted help!_'

"You're..."

"I'm what, demon?" she said, a twitch starting to form on her eye, as glared so hard it would probably freeze hell over.

"You're that girl..." the 'demon' (coughhanyoucough) said.

"Yes we all know I'm a girl, now what of it?" a small vein was now popping as she spoke.

At this point he noticed her attire, and blushed, his eyes lingering on certain places.

At this, the girl started growling, "You** PERVERT**!!!!"

"Huh....?" The 'demon' looked up right into her fist, I don't think she likes perverts....

(A/N Bree: who does?)

And then the poor hanyou got a knee to where the sun don't shine....

After five minutes of being beaten to a bloody pulp, odd eyed girl decided that he was in a sufficient amount of pain.

"Owww...." Was all that escaped the hanyou's mouth.

"Teach you to look there, ya perv!"

"I'm not the one who decided to wear a skimpy pink dress!" the hanyou countered, gathering his wits.

At this, the girl's head and a tomato looked a lot alike, "Well neither did I! Mr. Boss Guy said I had to wear it!"

"And what would your job be? A whore maybe?"

Now he didn't know a girl could turn such a dark scarlet shade, or that this time it wasn't ALL out of embarrassment, poor soul....

"I'm a bloody waitress you idiot!!!! Like I would lower myself to YOUR standards!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean??!!!"

"You really are stupid, aren't you?!"

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Meanwhile ALL the villagers looked on at the verbal fight going on between Ms. Odd Eyes and Mr. 'DEMON'. (A/N HANYOU!! There I said it! Ha! That felt good!)

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"-You lizard eating bastard!!!!"

"Look who's talking, ya fucking little faggot of a slut!!"

Now for all he was worth the hanyou could not think of a better comeback then; "I am NOT a faggot!"

"Oh, so you're a slut?" she asked.

"What do you think? You little son of a bitch!"

"That really wasn't a good comeback, you're not very creative are you?"

"Well- wait, what do you mean by that?"

"Baka!" she said while making aggravated hand movements, "Whatever, I need to get back to the bloody point, you, me, death duel, Now."

"What the hell...?"

"God you're annoying! Listen, I have to kill you, and soon, so fucking get ready for attack!"

"Ha! Weak wench, you're a human, you'll never be able to beat me!" his comment was met with a punch to the face. A HARD punch to the face.

"Shut up and fight." She followed up her sentence by kicking him in the shins.

"Wha- Why do you want to fight me so fucking badly?" he said while blocking a blow to the stomach.

"Because you're a bloody stupid demon, I HAVE to kill you! I don't got much choice!" she said throwing another kick at him.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" he asked, blocking the kick.

"I just don't!! I am bound by my word!! I have to kill you, Demon!!" she said before biting his arm.

Finally getting annoyed with the odd eyed girl's antics, he grabbed both of her arms, spun her around so that her back was facing his stomach, with her arms crossed over her chest and him holding her still... which wasn't easy....(and yes, she let go of his arm by then)

"Awww crap! Please let me go, it isn't smart to try and stop me any other way than simply killing me." She said, trying and failing to get free.

"What do you mean by that 'bound to your word' crap?"

"Fine, you're not letting go, and I have about five minutes before I kill you quite brutally. I have to kill ALL demons within my reach, meaning I have to kill all demons that are either within the city, village or basically anywhere near me."

He squeezed her slightly harder "That isn't what I asked, I asked why?"

She sighed "I am bound by my word to kill all demons in my reach..."

At this he chuckled a bit "Oh but wench, I ain't a demon."

It was finally Ms. Odd eyes turn to be confused "Huh...?"

"I am a hanyou."

'_So that's why I haven't gone all red eyed homicidal chick on him yet...._'

Meanwhile, with the villagers....

"My, my, they went from verbal war, to physical war, to hugging! I swear kids these days...!"

"Ummm... could you let go?" the girl said noticing how close they were with a slight blush.

Noticing the same thing he blushed furiously and released her as if he had been burned by her touch.

"Well... I am VERY sorry for the confusion, I thought you to be a FULL demon sorry, half breed or should I call you halfy?"

"My name is InuYasha!! Not 'halfy'!!"

"Bobs better!" she chirped.

twitch cracks knuckles twitch.........

CRASH!!

BOOM!!!!

"AHHHH I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!! YIKES! WATCH WHERE YOU THROW THOSE BOULDERS!!!!! CRAP!!!!!! What nice claws you have. SHIT YOU GOT A TEMPER ON YA!!!"

CRASH

"OWWWWWW!! I STILL SAY BOBS BETTER!!!!!"

BOOM

"This is gonna hurt...."

Meanwhile

"Well their back to physical war... I swear kids these days are going to be the death of me...."

30 minutes of pain for Ms. Odd eyes later and after they got kicked out of the village

"Ow, ya know you REALLY didn't need to hit so damn hard!!!!" The girl said. (she's changed out of that horrid pink skimpy dress and is now wearing GI pants and a tight shirt that has a pic of a cow and saws "Warning: MOOdy in mornings" her hair still kinda brushed, but NO more double braids!)

"Oh stop complaining, wench." InuYasha ordered her.

"Whatever, _BOB_!! I'll complain all I bloody want! _BOB_."

"Stop calling me bob, wench!!"

"I MIGHT, IF ya stop calling me wench."

"What else am I to call you!??"

"Oh yeah! I never told you my name! My name is-" she was once again cut off except this time she cut herself off, "Did you hear that to?"

"Duh, my ears are better then your baka human ears!"

"This isn't the time to fight, you baka." She whispered snippily at him.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha...etc. so if it isn't the little human, how is your curse coming? It is so fun watching you face it, what was that curse again, little one? That is a command you know." A male voice from high above them said obviously highly amused.

At the sound of THAT voice ALL the life left her eyes "I am bound to my word, if it costs my life." She growled out.

"And?" the voice pressed on.

"I swore to follow your every command even if it kills me."

"What else?"

"I deserve this as punishment for my parent's sins." She looked well, how to put it? If looks could kill EVERYONE within a hundred yard radios would be six feet under.

"Good girl."

InuYasha looked on quite surprised that the spunky, kind of bitchy...etc girl he met is acting like... an abused puppy!

"What have you swore to do in my absence?" the voice asked.

"Nothing."

"Awww no fun, oh well, how's the swear to 'kill all those silly willy demons' going?" When he said that last part he said it in a childish voice that sounded slightly of the now Ms. Dead eyes aka Ms. Odd eyes voice but younger, it made InuYasha want to vomit.

"Sixty-seven dead since last time." The deadness in her voice made InuYasha want to kill this man for turning her into THIS, even if he hated her no one should sound like that.

The man 'tsk'ed "Last time it was two-hundred, what is different this time?"

"This time you only gave me a week and two days last time I had a month and three days."

"What happens when you fail to fulfill I promise?"

"I can't."

"Yes, I KNOW that, but what happens if you try not to?"

'_You know ALL of this! You jerk!_' "Pain. Lots of pain. Then the redness comes, I black out, I wake up, my promise fulfilled, and most of the time, half dead and covered in blood, whether or not it be MY blood."

"Aww my heart bleeds for you. What is this? You have a little friend?" he said with a sick grin on his face.

'_He's planning something, again_...'

"No." she said simply "He is no friend. Just a stupid, pathetic fool."

To be continued

(A/N 23 PAGES! I THINK I'M GONNA DIE NOW! THIS IS SOOOO HARD!!!!!)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter number two: I like candy!

It hurt InuYasha to hear her say that, she sounded so... somber and honest... '_Why does it hurt so much to hear her say that...?_'

"Oh? Really now?" the cold male voice asked, once again VERY amused.

"Yes."

The asshole, as InuYasha decided to dub the voice, chuckled "My, my, my..."

InuYasha, finally deciding to talk, well, talked! "Is that all you say!" he growled out. OK maybe he didn't talk, he growled, so what?

"InuYasha," the girl who's name we STILL don't know said in a warning manor, "This isn't someone you should use your crappy sarcasm on!"

"Oh? So you're worried about your 'un-friend's safety?" the cold voice laughed out that last sentence.

"No, but his pathetic adept on sarcasm annoys me." '_That, and I REALLY don't need a pissed off YOU on my ass!_'

The man laughed again, "Do you hate this hanyou? Or simply dislike? You have me interested now."

"Dislike." She replied simply. "I haven't had enough time to hate, but if given the chance, I am almost certain I would."

That stung InuYasha, '_she would hate me...? WAIT! Why do I care? I don't really like her either!_'

"Oh? Then I have a new command for you," if possible the cold voice sounded even MORE amused.

"That being...?" she asked, getting just a TAD pissed.

"I order you to stay within five yards of this hanyou at ALL times!" after this statement he cracked up laughing, and his voice slowly disappeared into the night "Till next time, Kagome."

"THAT BASTARD! I SWEAR SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!" Kagome ranted, "That stupid BAKA why the fucking hell does he make me re-say that stupid fucking curse EVERYTIME we meet, it's getting SOOO FUCKING ANNOYING!"

"You... you dislike me?"

"No shit Sherlock! Of course I dislike YOU; you're an idiot, you're a jerk, you SUCK, you're the stupid reason I lost my job AND got kicked out of town! You smell, literally! AND you just fucking learned my curse! That asshole who just left is what happens when some one learns my curse!" '_especially bad since he (he meaning the voice) learned my curse before I learned it!_'

"I'm not like THAT guy!" InuYasha protested.

"Doubtful." She commented dryly.

Right then InuYasha and a kicked puppy, looked A LOT alike.

"Whatever, we'd better go." She said, giving up. '_What a loser. But a cute loser! What the hell! Why the fuck did I just think THAT?_'

After InuYasha finally got over his little "kicked puppy" look, he came up with a (coughStupidcough) comeback; "Why would I want to go with YOU! I am SO out of here! Bye Miss Creepy!"

"Did you listen to one word that guy said? Whatever, ya know, I DO have a name! Baka!" Kagome sighed, getting tired.

And so, InuYasha did the one dumbest thing he could have done... he ran more than five yards away from Kagome...

"See! That old fart had NO effect what so ever! All talk, and no-" at that point InuYasha was cut off, no not by Kagome, or even the cold voice, no it appears the Hanyou is now flying backwards full speed, towards Kagome.

He landed on top of her with a "CRASH!"

Current state of our two main characters: InuYasha is on top of Kagome, their faces are but inches apart, and their eyes locked.

And then a squirrel landed on InuYasha's, and their lips met...

Entranced by the moment for only about six seconds, Kagome, (after the six seconds were up) slapped our poor Hanyou so hard he went flying into a tree...!

"YOU STUPID PERVERT!" Seiko screamed, blushing an interesting color pink, "YOU DAMN ASSHOLE!"

Kagome did NOT like the way the bloody butterflies in her stomach just went psycho when he was on top of her...

End Chapter


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